In Professor Scott's feedback, I had realized exactly what I had done wrong in my essay. In my introductory and conclusion sentences for each paragraph, I did not make it clear as to where I wanted to lead the stream of ideas next.
For example, the part of my essay about Mohammed, I gave too much information instead of leading the reader to think for themselves. I told too many stories, and because I did that, I did not have enough time to explain exactly what each story meant to the dental office as a whole.
In my revision for the final portfolio, I will go into making each sentence clearer and expanding on my stories. That is one way I will also be able to meet the page requirements.
Monday, November 3, 2008
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